Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Top 16 Most Famous Ians; Who's Your Favorite?

16 Famous Ians: How Many Do You recognize? (Answers; bottom)

Many Americans have a problem recognizing the Christian name Ian.

I'm a Scot, living in Kansas, USA, and when I introduce myself, I’ve often met with quite mystified stares… Americans, it seems, have problems with the name, Ian. They either don't get it right away, and I've got to repeat it a few times, or they just can't get the pronunciation correct.
The Christian name, Ian or Iain, is Scottish in origin, and is Scotland’s version of John. Ian has variations in many languages such as Irish (Eoin), Welsh (Ioan), Breton (Yann) and Romanian (Ioan).
Most people pronounce the name EE-AN, although the numpty Ian Zeiring of Beverly Hills 90210 mistakenly pronounces his name EYE-AN… (what a wanker).

Anyway, it seems that even after having many famous ‘Ians’ a fair section of the American populace have problems with its recognition. So… I though I’d compile my own list of the top 16 famous Ians… (My criteria for the list; nothing but my own imagination… how many do you recognize?)

Famous Ians

1. Ian McShane - English actor; Lovejoy, Dallas and Deadwood
2. Ian McKellen - English actor; X-Men, Lord of the Rings
3. Ian Fleming - English commando, spy and novelist, creator of James Bond and Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang
4. Ian Gillan - Lead singer of hard rock band, Deep Purple
5. Ioan Gruffud – Welsh actor; Hornblower, Fantastic Four and TV series Forever
6. Ian Holm - English actor; Alien, Time Bandits, Lord of the Rings
7. Ian Dury - Singer and songwriter with the band, Ian Dury and the Blockheads, Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick, Reasons to be Cheerful
8. Ian (Lemmy) Kilminster - Vocalist/bass player in Hawkwind and Motorhead
9. Ian Paice - Drummer with Deep Purple, Whitesnake and the Gary Moore band
10. Ian Bannen - Scottish actor; Too Late the Hero, Gandhi, Braveheart, Waking Ned Devine
11. Ian Rankin - Scottish novelist. Author of the Inspector Rebus series
12. Ian Somerhalder - American Actor, in Lost, and the Vampire Diaries
13. Ian Matthews - A member of Fairport Convention and Matthews Southern Comfort
14. Ian Anderson - Lead singer and flautist of rock band Jethro Tull
15. Ian Lavender – English actor; played private pike in Dad’s Army, and Eastenders
16. Ian Ogilvy - English actor, novelist and playwright; The Return of the Saint
(And the next 4 just to round it up to a tidy 20)
17. Ian Woosnam - Welsh golfer, Masters winner in 1991
18. Ian Carmichael - English actor; The Colditz Story, Lucky Jim
19. Ian Hunter - Lead singer and guitarist of Mott the Hoople
20. Sir Ian Botham - English cricketer, commentator and sports personality
Other notable Ians, who didn’t make my 16/20 list are;
Ian McDonald - British musician, a member of both King Crimson and Foreigner
Ian Wright - English footballer, for Arsenal, Crystal Palace, and more
Ian Curtis - Singer with Joy Division
Ian Brady – Moors murderer
Ian Baker-Finch - Australian golfer, the winner of the 1991 British Open
Ian Hislop - Satirist, TV personality, and editor of Private Eye, panelist on Have I Got News For You
Ian Poulter - English golfer.

Oh, and the answers?: from top left;
Hunter, Henry (Ian) Cusack, Rankin, Rush, Wright, Kilminster, Anderson, Sommerhalder, McShane, Poulter, Brady, Holm, Botham, Mckellen, Zeiring (wanker), and Fleming.

Check out this other Ian... writer Ian Hall

www.ianhallauthor.com

LOL!

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Top 10 Dumbest Things on Facebook This Month


There is some element among Facebook users that seems to want to dumb the rest of us down, and for the life of me I can’t identify the reason why. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Facebook, I already spend too much time there, but I keep running into these obvious time-wasting traps that just piss me off. It’s not the cat pics… let's face it, they’re just people looking for someone else to affirm their cat is as cute as they think it is. And it’s not the endless Selfie Brigade with their bathroom poses, or their latest cosplay outfit or coiffed hairdo.

What gets my goat is the dumb memes and questions that waste our time, yet tease us to answer... trying to dumb us down to the lowest denominator. I’ve picked my top ten for the month, If you come across any better, let me know, I'll post them next time, and give you credit!… we'll have a great laugh.

Number One
Describe Your Last Fart Using a Movie Title

Yeah, just how second-grade is this? Gone With the Wind… Wind in the Willows… A Mighty Wind… Clash of the Titans… Please kill me now. If you have the time to scan your mind for your favorite movies for something ‘cute’ or ‘edgy’ to post here, then you need to find a hobby. Yeah, okay, I answered the first time… a few YEARS back! ("Clash of the Titans” was mine, you know, being clever, referring to my buttocks making the action rather than the actual fart/smell bit. Whatever!) I now ignore such posts yet resist the temptation to ‘unfriend’ the person, just in case he posts something equally stupid next month for inclusion in this category.

Number TwoFind Four Words to Say to You in the Back of a Police Car

Honestly? Okay, I’m to ‘imagine’ I’m in the back of a police car… with you, my Facebook buddy (most of whom I’ve never met personally) and I have to think of something to say… pithy, yes, but concise… funny, yet hopefully sounding intelligent too… basically a four word tweet. Yes, I did this one too… once. I even puzzled over it, because a REAL friend had posted it. So I took some time, posted, then considered the futility of the whole process. I almost went back and deleted it, but someone had already ‘liked’ it, so I was screwed… my answer in the ether forever. Blah.

Number Three
Find the 5 in Under a Minute

Come on! I don’t care how inane you are, but when someone posts a pic/meme of 5000 ‘2’s and one number ‘5’, hidden in the middle, don’t even give it the time of day. Yes, you found it in 5 seconds, because your vision is super acute at doing stuff like that, but don’t stoop so low as to reply to the post; “I found it in two seconds!” thinking you’ve just qualified for a Pulitzer or something. Do you really want your brain tested? Try Sudoku, or a good crossword! Or go write a blog!

Number Four
Find Out Which English Monarch I Would Be

Wait! Number one, I’m Scottish, so obviously superior to our southern compatriots already! Why would I pretend to want to be English? Okay, so for the sake of scientific research, I went through with the laborious stupid ten questions. I could even see by the questions where I was headed. Elizabeth I. Yeah. Now, I see the virtue of some of these quizzes, but at least make them have a point; “What country best suits your palate?” “Which car is best for you?”… Don’t make them inanely stupid. And please make the questions slightly less see-through.

Number Five
Describe You in One Word Using the First letter of MY Name

Okay, my name’s Ian, that makes it easy… because you posted this crap, you’re Inane, probably Insane, quite Inept, rather Insipid, totally Insecure,… I could go on forever. Why do people post such crap? Because it looks cute, and they ‘share’ it. It gets them hits, friends, whatever. Look, if you want friends to talk to you, try posting a decent question… “What is your opinion of Anthropomorphic Global Warming?” Or if you want to describe something, then describe the best part of your last vacation… wow us with your wit and word power!

Number Six
Continue The Story By Adding Just Two Words

Now, this first appealed to me, as a writer/novelist, and I posted on a couple. Then I noticed that few were taking it as seriously as I was, or even caring what came before. A TOTAL waste of my time, and worthless to the N’th degree. And yet every day, as I scroll the lists, hypnotizing myself with this crap, I see more people, wasting their time. If you can’t write? Don’t waste my time. If you can write? Go somewhere and write something worth reading.

Number Seven
My Boss Jared Doesn’t Think We Can get This Post To All 50 States

It’s the same scenario a million times over… it’s either the three “employees” (who insist on doing that weird finger sign thing) who want to prove to their boss, or the cute kid who wants to prove to his teacher, just how quickly they/he can get shared in all 50 states. What a lot of crap. I have 3000 Facebook friends, they live all over the world, I average 20 friends birthdays a day! Who CARES how quick you can get 50 people in 50 states to share your post, and give a nice reply! Stop wasting my time scrolling past your crap!

Number Eight
The Last Thing You Ate + The Color of Your Pants to get your “Band” Name…

Yeah… ONE THING is more infuriating than the post itself… it’s the fact that before you know it, your brain already gone through the thought process and come up with the answer. It’s a fait accompli, your own brain outwits you, and you curse it. Let’s try and get Facebook out of the gutter, shall we… delete any friend who posts stuff like this. I've been in LOTS of bands, and we all made up great names without resorting to this formula. Okay, I’m done. Oh, my band? “Cinnamon Crumpet Battleship Grey”. We’re playing a gig in a bar near you on Saturday.

Number Nine
Find What Percentage “Texan” You Are

Oh, dear me. Only 0.1625% of the world’s population are Texan by birth. Only 3.9% of American’s are Texan. So who is this question aimed at? Oh, it’s the rest of us! Duh. (I can't honestly understand why I had to go calculate those figures...?) Anyway! Why, as a Scot, born in Edinburgh, therefore a Midlothian(er) by birth, would I want to know how much Texan I am? See? Totally pointless… but I did it anyway (scientific research, remember) and the questions involved cornbread, grits, colt 45’s and John Wayne. I got 12 out of 14 questions correct… again, so pointless, questions FAR too easy, made to make you feel good... unless you see through the scam and get angry.

Number Ten
Replace One Word in a Movie title with “bacon

What is America’s fascination with bacon? They don’t even know what bacon is! They eat the fatty rind stuff that us Brits and Canadians throw away! Okay, bacon rant over, back to topic. “The Bacon of the Titans”. That’s as far as my head got on this one (see above). I know some of the answers would be interesting, few might be amusing, but I don’t have the patience or time to wait for Craig Ferguson to post on my timeline.

To recap, there must be some interesting people out there that can come up with a more uplifting Facebook than the one that currently exists. Something inspiring. Something out of the gutter. But then, at this point, I’m exhausted, maybe I’ll just go onto Facebook and veg for a while… Scroll it past my eyes until I get into a state of utter blah.
Or maybe I’ll go read a book or something… did I mention I wrote books?
LOL.

So... Your Job...

When you're going through Facebook, and you get crap like the above in your feed, send them to me. I'll update the list, we;ll have a laugh.
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