Wednesday, February 11, 2015

The Zombie Valentine’s Date Guide-Dressing to Impress


With Valentine's Day fast approaching I thought it would be nice to post a wee dating guide for our brain eating friends...The following is from 'The Enhanced Zombie Bible' now available in Paperbook and at your favorite online eBook emporium.   

The Zombie Valentine’s Date Guide
Making the Most of Your Appearance

Why are Zombies the world’s worst dressed bi-peds?

With the Zombie Apocalypse firmly under way, the world is your oyster as far as shopping’s concerned. And let’s face it; shopping at the right places to make an impact has to be high on your agenda, right? Since the downfall of civilization, large department stores and shopping malls are full of ready-to-wear goodies in all sizes. So get yourself off to the nearest outfitter, and get yourself some impressive duds, because, let’s face it, you Zombies need to impress. There’s plenty of competition for the choice cuts of meat. (Did I really say that?)

In movies and television-with all the department stores there would be available to shop in-when have you seen a well-dressed Zombie? Never, right? This is a travesty! You sir or madam can change this ridiculous trend...head out into the world with  purpose, shamble your way to the nearest store and get shopping. Don’t be afraid of those pesky humans barricading them inside such stores. There’s little food inside, and you can wait outside until they leave or look around for one of your shuffling friends who has read The Zombie Bible. He’ll be the one with the hammer on his belt… perfect for scaring the crap out of humans barricaded inside shops/malls with glass doors.

Anyway… back to Dressing to Impress. Guys, you’ve got to decide what image you’re trying to pull off. And if one doesn’t work for you, change your image! Perhaps you’re into a preppy look, nice slacks (yes, I said ‘slacks’) and a designer polo shirt will certainly get you noticed. You might even go for the full man-around-town look and grab a shirt, clip on tie (you’ll never manage to tie one, so stick to clip-ons) and single-breasted suit. Nice. Of course, if your taste runs to one of the guys in the Village People, you can do that too; there’s lots of choice out there, and plenty of ways to get noticed by the opposite sex.

Ladies, again, you’ve got an image to consider. You too can do the preppy look, nice shorts or capris’, blouse, and sun glasses is an eye-catching look. But there are also thousands of designer dresses out there, and as long as you don’t mind looking slightly out of place in the shuffling un-dead ranks, you’ll certainly get noticed. And let’s face it; if you’re not a pretentious type, Daisy Duke got plenty of cat-whistles in cut-off shorts and a checked blouse.

Once you’ve gone to the right stores, got yourself the best duds that you can get yourself into, and are ready to go on the prowl. Right? Wrong. You really need to think about a lot more than just the look if you are going to properly get your freak on.  For more tips, spend the price of a cheap coffee, and find out more...it's all in black and white right there in  'The Enhanced Zombie Bible'...



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